Geniuses or Jaikies? The Tartan Army, Kipling and the London Scottish.

It will come as absolutely no surprise whatsoever to learn that my fellow West Ham supporting friends and family in London took great delight in watching Scotland toil against Haiti and get stuffed by Morocco at the World Cup. Oh the banter!

I like to gently remind my ain kinsfolk and other Hammers, that West Ham are essentially a Scots club created by Scottish shipyard workers, just as Millwall were established by Scottish dockers. 

I often remind them that, like so many East Enders, our greatest ever Hammer John Lyall, was immensely proud of his Scottish heritage - his mum from the Isle of Lewis and his Dad was from Kirriemuir.

I briefly met John Lyall once, he was a lovely man and during the pre-season he used to take his family up here to Scotland and go fishing.

Just as Chelsea fans singing along to ‘One Step Beyond’ every Saturday, would do well to remember that Suggs from Madness was born Graham McPherson and is also of Scottish ancestry. His Dad, William McPherson, was Scottish.

Regardless, it has been an absolute joy watching the Tartan Army charm Boston with their passion, warmth and good natured banter. 

There have been some beautiful scenes and our fans are a real credit to Scotland but it wasn’t always this way, back in the 1970s Scotland supporters could be an total nightmare. 

This was especially true of the annual visits to Wembley which were frequently marred by London getting wrecked by drunken Scots.

Incidents such as assaults on shopkeepers and cops were especially awful for the very many Scots living and working in London at the time, including my two aunts and my Dad. Scots in London were already unfairly stereotyped as violent alcoholic thugs and tramps, and these episodes only made things worse for them. 

Thankfully, these days are in the past and the past they must remain. Indeed, modern 24 hour mass media has ‘given us the gift tae see oursels as ithers see us’. And this has certainly has freed us from ‘monie a blunder’ on the world stage. 

Yet, it’s very interesting to think about who we are and how we understand ourselves. 

In reality, there have always been a number of competing Scottish identities - The dour Calvinist miser Scot, the drunken Scot, the engineer and inventor Scot, the radical Scot and enlightenment Scot, the British Infantry colonial Scot and so on. From Scrooge McDuck to Scottie off Star Trek. From Admiral Thomas Cochrane of Culross, to Greenock’s own Captain Kidd.

Each of these various Scottish stereotypes can also be found in the brilliant Minder TV series from the late 70s and 80s.

Half of Scotland was in Minder - James Cosmo, Peter Capaldi, Robbie Coltrane, Billy Connolly, Ian Cuthbertson, Phil McCall Alexander Morton, Brian Cox, Tony Osoba.

Yet, the roots of this dual Scottish identity, not to mention our southern neighbours love/hate cognitive dissonance when it comes to Scottish identity, goes back much further. 

For example, very many years ago, while on Honeymoon I read ‘More Just So Stories’ by Rudyard Kipling, the remarkable tale which immediately jumped out from this collection of short stories is the brilliant Brugglesmith. 

The reason Brugglesmith stands out is because it’s a Kipling story set in the East London docks which features, not one but two Greenock seamen living in Victorian London. 

The first Greenock character we meet is McPhie, the narrator’s friend and a sturdy Presbyterian engineer. The second, whose name we’re never told, is a chaotic drunk who forces his way on to the terrified narrator’s small dinghy and seizes the oars sending them both adrift on the Thames.

Kipling travelled extensively throughout the British Empire and he would have encountered numerous Greenock engineers and seamen, operating paddle steamers from Rangoon, to the Ganges. 

In Brugglesmith, we are faced with two very different Scots, both admired and feared by the narrator.

Just as Kipling’s friend, the polar explorer Ernest Shackleton, equally disliked and admired his Port Glasgow born ship’s carpenter Chippy McNish, who Shackleton felt to be difficult and insubordinate. 

Bizarrely, Shackleton’s maintained his hostility towards McNish, despite his incredible carpentry skills that saved the crew, which Shackleton even acknowledged!

Even further back, during the Napoleonic war, press gangs targeting Greenock were always met with aggressive resistance from the locals. 

Greenockians staunch defence of their own freedom and liberty against the press gangs, resulted in a reputation for feistiness, as well as a reputation for being fine seamen, shipwrights and engineers. 

So much so, that it was believed that the Royal Navy never allowed two or three Greenock ‘troublemakers’ aboard the same ship, for fear of mutinous plotting, cliques and factions.

In reality, splitting up sailors from the same town across different divisions was likely a common practice across the 18th and 19th-century Royal Navy.

Anyway, well done to the Tartan Army and also well done to the people of Port Glasgow who finally got their beloved full-sized model of the Comet, returned to pride of place in Port Glasgow town centre this weekend.

The Comet was originally built and launched  from Port Glasgow in 1812 by Henry Bell.

The Comet was Europe's first commercially successful steamship and played a key role in establishing the Clyde as the heart of shipbuilding.

God Speed Scotland!